Marriage: Month 3

Yesterday marked 3 months of marriage! Darren usually FaceTimes me before he goes to work and I asked him if he remembered what today was and he said we've been married for 3 months! To me, it feels much longer than three months. This month, we have learned how to survive without each other. I haven't cried in about a week. It helps setting new routines and not sticking to our old one we had regarding morning routines, exercise routines, mealtimes, and our nighttime routine. We'll get that when he comes back! Even though I wasn't sure it was possible, I am doing ok and I think we are both getting in a good routine of what will work best for us both. In summary, this month we learned that although we need each other, it is possible to live without each other. For awhile as least. I'm ready for our old routines to come back.

My heart aches for summer

It's Veteran's Day today and my Veteran is overseas. I'm so proud of him and love him very much. It's so different here without him. He's not dead, but people are always giving me sad eyes and crying. His stuff is exactly where he left it. I even had to put some things away because it hurt so much, such as his water bottles, bathroom towel and wash cloth, toothbrush, and lunch box. I sleep in the middle of our bed now, with his pillows surrounding me and me hugging my body pillow pretending it is him. His car (that I can't drive) is parked in the same spot, just as if he were home. I come home from work each day and just want to run into his strong arms and for him to tell me everything will be ok. But he's not there, and he won't be for awhile. It hasn't been that long since he's been away, but to me it feels like weeks. I dread the months ahead and how slow they may go. Right now, my heart aches so bad for summer.

He's Gone

I can't say when and I can't say where, but he's gone. I kissed him one last time and watched him fly away until I couldn't see him anymore. It's a strange feeling not having my husband in the same state anymore, let alone the same country. I hate the feeling of the unknown, going to bed by myself, seeing his car parked in the same spot, folding his laundry one last time, making him dinners, going to the gym together, and not being able to touch him.

He feels sad too, and I know it will get better with time. In a way, I don't want to get used to this, because then it's like I am used to him being gone, but I don't want to feel this way all the time! I just miss him and want him to come home. At least this trip is for something good and important. I really could not be proud to call Darren my husband.

He has an important job to do, but so do I. I think my job will revolve around trying to be happy, keeping him in the loop of all the goings on of things back home, and supporting him. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. Face Time, love letters, and texts make it all a little bit easier. I hope time will start speeding up because it feels like it has been going at snail speed lately.