He's Gone

I can't say when and I can't say where, but he's gone. I kissed him one last time and watched him fly away until I couldn't see him anymore. It's a strange feeling not having my husband in the same state anymore, let alone the same country. I hate the feeling of the unknown, going to bed by myself, seeing his car parked in the same spot, folding his laundry one last time, making him dinners, going to the gym together, and not being able to touch him.

He feels sad too, and I know it will get better with time. In a way, I don't want to get used to this, because then it's like I am used to him being gone, but I don't want to feel this way all the time! I just miss him and want him to come home. At least this trip is for something good and important. I really could not be proud to call Darren my husband.

He has an important job to do, but so do I. I think my job will revolve around trying to be happy, keeping him in the loop of all the goings on of things back home, and supporting him. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. Face Time, love letters, and texts make it all a little bit easier. I hope time will start speeding up because it feels like it has been going at snail speed lately.

What I've Learned: Month One and Two

My friend from high school and church got married last November and she started doing posts on her blog about what she learned in each month of marriage. I thought it was a great idea. Darren and I weren't even engaged at that time, but I knew it would probably happen soon, so I kept the idea in my mind to use someday on my own blog.

Month 1: August 29-September 29 

Keep in mind that Darren and I lived together for a year before we got married. So married life feels pretty much the same as engaged life. Throughout the past year we had already discussed expectations from one another concerning chores around the house, etc. Even though it feels pretty much the same, Darren and I both agree that we feel a little different now that we're married, more mature.

After the wedding, Darren and I flew off to St. Thomas for our honeymoon. We spent 24/7 together which has never happened before! Coming home and back to reality was really hard. We both missed all that time we had together. So, in an effort to see each other more, I'd bring him happy hour drinks from Sonic and visit him during lunch. It's a lot easier for me to do these things because he was always the only one in his office.

We discussed money and expenses. I made an info sheet that has all of our usernames and passwords for our checking account, our credit card accounts, emails, and other miscellaneous things. We discussed telling each other and asking before we make big purchases. Trips to Wal-Mart and the gas station, for example, don't have to be discussed because those are necessities. My trips to Kohls and Maurices have dwindled down to almost nothing :)

Month 2: September 29-October 29

I know it's 8 days before October 29th, so if I happen to learn something else in that time frame, I promise I will share :)

This month we have learned a lot more about how to communicate with each other better. With Darren working in Wichita since the beginning of October, our great schedule that we had, has become completely out of whack! Darren asked me what I needed and I just said more communication throughout the day. So he suggested calling me at set times of the day. Over the month, that has evolved a lot. Last night, we talked about it some more, and I think we have finally reached something that will work for us both.

So most of September was spent finding new ways to spend more time with each other and most of October was spent finding new ways on how to communicate with each other better.

Bring it on November!

Meet Darren

Darren called me on his lunch break so I interviewed him. Here are his answers: 

Favorite food? Out: Pizza/Home: Kaitie’s lasagna

Favorite song? Anything by Nickelback

Are you a morning or night person? Night

Favorite childhood television program? Rocket Power

What is usually your first thought in the morning? Giving Kaitie a good morning kiss

What is your favorite color? Red

Have any bad habits: Not looking people in the eye when I talk

List three of your best personality traits: Resourceful, observant, and caring

List three of your worst personality traits: Procrastinating, being too quiet, and being too passive

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? Either Colorado Springs or Oklahoma City

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go? Boston, Massachusetts

Name 1 regret you have? Not doing my best in high school

Name 1 thing you miss about being a kid? Not having any responsibility

Name 1 thing you love about being an adult: Doing whatever I want, as long as it’s ok with Kaitie :)

What would be your dream job? Being an accountant as Koch Industries. No wait, being an accountant for a hockey team,

What would you rather have, 100 million dollars or true love? True love

Name 1 thing people may not know about you: I like watching cartoons more than live action movies 

Do you believe in the afterlife? Yes.

Meet Kaitlyn

Name: Kaitlyn LaKous

Favorite food? If I'm eating out I want Chipotle or Genghis Grill. My favorite home cooked meal is swiss steak with green peppers and onions over rice.

Favorite song? Anything by TSwift and Carrie Underwood

Are you a morning or night person? Uh neither! I'm always ready to sleep.

Favorite childhood television program? Growing up I'd always watch I Love Lucy reruns. In fact, I want to name my daughter Lucy! I also loved 90's Nickelodeon. TV these days just isn't what it used to be, so now I watch a lot of Netflix.

What is usually your first thought in the morning? I wonder what Darren is up to.

What is your favorite color? Any shade of blue.

Have any bad habits: I bite my nails. I was able to stop for the months leading up to our wedding, but once those fake nails came off I started chewing again!

List three of your best personality traits: Honest, affectionate, and friendly.

List three of your worst personality traits: Self critical, indecisive, and stubborn.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? St. Thomas. Can't beat the beachy life!

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go? England or France. Can't decide!

Name 1 regret you have? Not having the "normal" college experience.

Name 1 thing you miss about being a kid? Sunday dinner at Nannie and Papa's house. They have both passed away :(

Name 1 thing you love about being an adult: Making my own decisions, even though I am rather indecisive.

What would be your dream job? Being a stay at home mom would be nice! Don't think that will ever happen though. I love what I do here at Cowley though, so I would have to say that I'm in it.

What would you rather have, 100 million dollars or true love? Well since I already have true love, a 100 million dollars would be nice! I'd pick love over money any day though. A life without love would be very depressing. Even if you had all that money you'd have no one to share it with.

Name 1 thing people may not know about you: I save all spiders and insects, even though I am deathly afraid of them.

Do you believe in the afterlife? Yes.

Let's talk about weight

As many of you know, I had weight issues as a teen. It all started with the dreaded puberty changes. Eventually I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. That messes with your hormone levels and weight, and if not treated it's very hard to conceive a child. Thankfully I got help for it in 2008 and have been on medicine to help get my hormones in check. Being overweight doesn't help the hormone situation either. 

My highest weight was back in 2012 when I weighed in at 230 or more. I was a size 22 jeans and size 1 top at Maurice's. I was miserable. I tried losing weight on my own with my Wii Fit, walking video, and cutting calories. I lost about 10 pounds but I just wasn't very motivated and was depressed. I had no job and no boyfriend and I always wondered what the point of my life was.

My mom and I joined weight watchers in April 2012. I had major success with that! It took me a year and a half to get down to 126 pounds. I was a size 5/6 jeans at Maurice's, a size 4 jean at Kohl's, and in small tops. Even though I had (still have) an abundance of excess skin, I was loving life! I had (still have) a great job and I finally had my confidence and happiness back. Something was missing, however. 

I started an online dating profile. I talked to two guys for a brief period and Darren was the 3rd one I talked to. He was the 1st one I ever met. We clicked right away and enter the time period of throwing all my weight loss goals in the air. I was happy in love! 

I am now 155 pounds. I did manage to get down to 147 for my wedding and my dress fit so perfect! I'm currently in a size 7/8 jean at Maurice's and medium tops. Although I still look great, I feel gross. I am tired all the time, I can't work out as hard at the gym, and I'm just so stinking mad at myself for gaining almost 30 pounds. The thing is I know what it will take to get back down and it's just seems so easy. It's not though and because of my PCOS, my body likes to hold on to the weight for some reason, so it takes a lot of extra effort on my part.

For right now, I am taking a break until November. When November comes I will get back with it. I at least want to be 130 pounds by next summer. I want my hubby to have a happy, beautiful, and sexy wife when he comes home. Although he thinks I am those things now :) It's more for me than him. So wish me luck with my new weight loss goals! 

Our Normal

Well here we sit on our last three days of our "normal" life. What is normal anyway? I've been making a big effort to go visit Darren at work more, whether just meeting him for lunch or visiting him when I get work. I love being able to visit him and call him whenever I want, so I'm going to miss that a lot.

We had a great last weekend. We watched OU hockey, played 3 games of mini-golf, went to the Oklahoma State Fair, ate at Spaghetti Warehouse and the Cow Café, and played one game of laser tag. I love our kind of fun! We've been trying to fit as much fun as we can in and while it can be a little exhausting and expensive, I know it will be worth it.

This weekend Darren has drill and the base is also holding a spouse appreciation day on Saturday that I'm going to go to. We get served pancakes and lunch and we also get a tour of the base. I am pretty excited! Other than that we are just living our normal the best we can, and trying to keep our mind off the upcoming months. Our family and our cats help with that a lot!

I've recently starting reading again. Growing up, you wouldn't see me without a book in my hand. I miss it a lot and have tried to get back into it over the years. I hate it, but I think electronics have taken over. So I've decided to read out of my book a little each day, at least one chapter. I'm reading my Redwall books that I loved. That will take a while and it will keep me very busy this winter!

LaKous Life

Our wedding day went just like I dreamed it would! It was romantic, beautiful, and lots of fun! I stressed out a little in the morning, but once we got to the church, it was pretty smooth sailing for the rest of the day. We had decorated our reception site the day before so I am sure that helped. At first the day started out super slow, but once the wedding was over, it went by much faster. I think I was just anticipating seeing Darren for the first time, that it made the morning go so slow. We did see each other before the wedding, but it was just him and me and the photographer in the sanctuary. We didn't want our guests to have to wait a long time after the wedding to eat. It worked out great for us! I think it helped us both calm our nerves before the wedding too.

We made a slideshow to be shown before the wedding. At 4:55 they turned that off and Melba started playing "Pachelbel's Canon in D." This was the song that Darren, the groomsmen, and all the grandparents came out to. My mother and his mother walked in together to "Mama's Song", with his sisters following behind. I am so glad that our mothers have become such good friends! There is about a 19 year age difference between the two of them, but they still manage to have a good time when together. Then my bridesmaids, flowers girls, and the ring bearer walked into the sanctuary to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Then it was my turn to come in! My dad and my step-dad walked me down the aisle. It was really special. We picked out a scripture for Pastor Stephanie to read, then my sister Kasie picked one out and read it to us. We did our unity candle to "Forever Like That." We sad our vows, exchanged our rings, kissed, and walking out to "I Do." Then we greeted our family in the back room and then our guests sent us away with bubbles.

Everything was perfect. The dress that I wasn't so sure about, ended up being the dress I had never felt more beautiful in. Mom wants to get it cleaned and box, but I'm not so sure. I want to put it on every August 29th, so I may just have it cleaned. At the reception we bustled my long train up, and it made it so much easier to dance in. I am not one to dance, neither is Darren, but we danced, drank, and talked almost the entire night. Stagecoach catered for us, and while it was pretty expensive, it was so delicious and the service was top notch. I am pretty sure it was the best night of my life!

Now, I'm working on getting all my accounts changed to my new name. I made a new email too, so I have to change that on all my accounts as well. It's very time consuming. My new social security card should be here soon, I'm going tomorrow to get my new drivers license, and Thursday we are both taking off early to drive up and get my military ID. I am hoping I can persuade him to stop at Chipotle or Genghis as a celebration to getting all this stuff done so fast! That shouldn't be too hard as he loves both of those places as well :)